Now ya see 'em, now ya don't!!!

Today I think I wanna tackle the topic of femme invisibility.

Yeah, I know, I am not the first to delve into this topic, but then again:

1) I have my own viewpoints on this and;
2) It can't be brought to light enough.

So, yeah, I am sure most of you who know me will know what the concept of femme invisibility is, but for those of you who don't...let me explain it as easily as I can.

Femme invisibility is the simple fact that these women don't look or move through the world as what society perceives lesbians or queer women should. Society defines lesbians/queer women as looking "butch". You know, the short hair, baggy jeans and loose t-shirt. However, these ladies, these femmes; they can be that, but are so much more. They are the ladies who can rock a skirt, heels, and look like a million bucks too. And sadly, they also are the ladies who are on the fringes. Not seen by heteros as queer, nor are they on the radar as potential partners for queers either.

People just simply and readily think they are straight.

So yeah, because of this assumption (as well as many others), these ladies, these femmes are invisible.

Anywho, I wanted to touch on this because I find it really disturbing that these fabulous, unique, complex and BEAUTIFUL women are being overlooked by the world.

Now, mind you, I have no problem personally "tagging" them when out on the town. Cause hell, I figure, paying someone a compliment on how sexy or beautiful they are never hurts, and then based on the response...that tells me what I need to know....and seperates these "diamonds" from the coal.

However, I know I am probably a rare breed when it comes to that.

So, the question is, why are they not being seen for who they are? What is being overlooked here? And how do we work to get them noticed as and for who they are?

I have heard from countless femme friends about how much it sucks to not even bee seen as a contender in the queer dating pool unless they do ALL the pursuing. And, I think to myself, "Gawds, that has got to suck, it is so nice to be pursued, and pursue in return. But shit, really, having to pursue ALL the time....majour suckage."

So, I figured I would talk and think about this, and probe and poke my own community to see what the hell is going on here, and see if maybe a solution could be had.

Cause after all, everyone wants to bee seen for who they are....EVERYONE!!

And so far, sadly, I have had no results on getting to the concrete root of the problem. I have only my speculations. The answer is this elusive and almost intangible thing.

In my search for the root of this "invisibility", I encountered two key statements from the masses. Those statements are:

1) "You're too pretty to be gay." *or some slight variation of this
2) "Well, you LOOK straight, so I figured you were." *or again, some variation of this

Now, this leads me to retort, "Just what does "straight" look like, last time I checked, sexual preference isn't something you can see just by how someone looks. Lord knows I have seen enough short haired, masculine women who were happily married to their bio-male husbands and raising their kids in a heteronormative home. Also, are you saying lesbians and dykes aren't pretty? WTF?!?!?!"

So, is this the heart of the problem? I think not, I think it is merely a symptom of something greater. A by-product if you will. What I am thinking the problem could be is this: Commercialism and marketing. Society is inundated with labels and pictures that insist what things are and how they should look. And if something looks THIS way then it MUST be THIS, and if it looks THAT way it MUST be THAT.....there is no place or room for anything that looks like THIS and IS THAT. And mind you, I could get going on a whole other topic of where that dichotomy also plays heavily...but that is a blog for a whole other day.

Okay, back on topic here. So yeah, if something looks a certain way and behaves a certain way, then it is said it is this. And sadly, lesbians and queer women are not exempt from this rule. Like I mentioned before about how lesbians are viewed as being only "butch". Society has not given us enough "fodder" stating that this is simply NOT TRUE.

And changing this never ending diatribe by corporations and society is gonna be a long, uphill battle. Which is why it seems like we in the queer community haven't made any progress. But I think with more and more visibility, that will change, and with queer rights being on the forefront in political struggles, we will finally get these femmes the attention they RIGHTFULLY deserve.

What do you, my rapt audience think?