Step right up and see another marvel of the world....

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Who would have ever thought that such a question would ever follow them into adulthood? Certainly not me.

When asked this question as a small child, I promptly and proudly proclaimed in my non-PC, unaware-of-exploitation-within-this-profession naivete; "A circus sideshow freak."

At the tender age of 5, I didn't know how offensive to many this statement would be, how unfeminine, how crass. All I know is I wanted to be someone different, that had some different trait, ability, quirk that made them desirable to the world, so much so that it would make me millions.

And in all reality, that childhood desire of becoming "A circus sideshow freak" is exactly what I became. In the circus of life, I was definitely not a mainstream attraction. I was far from a headliner. And I most definitely, in many people's eyes was a freak with a capital F.

Why? Well quite simply (and also quite complexly) because I am me.

So, how is that something that would label me a freak?

Well, it is because I refuse pre-made labels manufactured by society.

Let me give you an idea of what I mean by refusing labels.

So, I like women and am born into a body whose chromosomes are XX. That would make me lesbian right? Wrong.

So, I look like a guy but have the secondary sex characteristics of a woman, but see myself as male. That would make me a trans-masculine or transman in some state of transition right? Wrong.

So, I am not heterosexual. That would make me homosexual right? Wrong.

But, if I am not homosexual, or heterosexual, then I must be bisexual or pan-sexual right? Wrong.

So just what am I then. I am something outside the norm. I am that thing which is not mainstream, is not headline material, I am the sideshow.

At least that is what society says I am. They throw these labels on me. Queer, genderfluid, genderqueer,  androgyne, male identified lesbian, butch, asexual, boi, ze...

None of which fit, none of which are me.

And ironically, the labeling doesn't stop there. It extends to those whom I partner with.

While those beautiful feminine women I love so dearly have their own issues around invisibility; I bring something else entirely to the table.

In partnering with me, my identity or lack thereof brings the question of how that plays into THEIR identity. After all, if they are a lesbian and am with me, who identifies as male...what does that make them? Bisexual, heterosexual, pan-sexual, homo-flexible, hetero-flexible? What? After all, society HAS to know. Sometimes even these women HAVE to know.

And when I see and hear the struggles these women who share my heart, my bed, my pain have to confront; I am left wondering what the gawd-damned point of all these labels are.

Can't we just be two people who love each other? Why must something so trivial as genitalia or gender identity, sexual preference or gender presentation have anything to do with it?

We are all human. That is the ONLY label that should fit if we MUST have a label.

In this circus, there are no sideshows, there are no freaks....merely different acts...all as captivating as the others.